Headspace

I need some personal headspace.

Today, I got up and drove into work with my partner. I went straight to work and thus lost my normal personal time at McDonalds where I read a book and drink some coffee. When I got to work I continued with my current task (implementing JModalWindow support into our application). At 9.30 we had a Stand Up meeting. We are trying to implement some Agile practices. Frankly, I am a little bit unconvinced about the more extreme practices but most of them make a certain kind of sense, After that meeting finished I went back to work. Spoke with some software team members throughout the morning, as well as some non-software team members. Productivity not very high. Lunchtime comes around and we four members of the software team go off to Little India for lunch. M pays for lunch. I’m not really happy about that. It seems to me he is acting like he is the group’s leader. I wonder if E has placed that thought in his head. Back to a little bit of work. Then off to a planning meeting. More talking with others. Finally, that stops and I can get on with my work. Of course, I don’t get finished so some of it is left for Monday. Never mind, its time for end-of-month pizza. I manage to miss the COO’s little thank you but do get some small slivers of pizza. That’s ok though, I’m going out for dinner tonight so no great loss. M is heading back home to bring his family out to NZ so I leave him a little note wishing him well on his trip back. Finally, I get into the car to go and pick my partner up. I turn the radio on and manage to get a little ‘headspace’ on the way over to her office. Then it’s off home to get showered and changed for the evening. I decide to wear my new shirt. We head out at 6.50pm and arrive at the restaurant at 7.10pm. We have to wait for everyone else to turn up before we can get a table. Everyone is chatting. I am being polite. Frankly, I don’t want to go out but my partner has shut herself up in the house for so long she needs to get out. Eventually, we get a table. The service is mediocre but the food is great; a typical NZ dinning experience. We finish up there at around 10.30pm and we break up. My partner and I head home where I get a chance to make a cup of tea and get a bit more personal ‘headspace’ before I go to bed.

It just isn’t enough.

I need more ‘headspace’ time.

I don’t want to spend my entire day talking to people. That thought fills me with dread. I hate those kinds of days. Especially when I am not in charge of whom I talk to and when. I am not very happy being driven by others. I wish people would understand that I prefer to think things through first before I talk about it. Bloody E-types! But perhaps that is just my I-type arrogance.

I feel very angry about this. I feel trapped. It’s not that I want to escape from my life but I definitely want more control over how it is run on a day to day basis. I feel at the beck and call of other: co-workers, team leaders, friends, my partner. Where is the Gordon time in all of this? I need some ‘headspace’ of my own so I can work out what it is that I want.

Ach! I’d better publish this whilst I still have the guts. Even if it doesn’t paint a very nice picture of me.

Ok… here goes…

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