I feel very alone today

Well, I’m writing this at work and all I can say is how very alone I feel. None of my co-workers is here yet: Jonny is on holiday, Clare is taking the day off and Noam will be in late.

On top of that, there is much discussion going on about the latest news from ATR down the road. The news is that they are looking to make 30 positions redundant. Unfortunately management there hasn’t yet worked out what those 30 positions are; they expect to determine that out over the next month (or so). Naturally, this means that productivity there will have slowed to a standstill as everyone sits around speculating who will be going, whether it is worth starting any new tasks, etc.

When will they learn? If you intend to get rid of staff, work out in advance which positions are to be made redundant; call those affected in to explain things to them and then inform the rest of the company about what is going to happen. Do not, … repeat, do not dish out the “death of a thousand cuts” and then start looking at the positions you want to cut. All you will do is piss people off and lower their motivation.

And I feel left out.

A lot of the people here know people there. They used to work with them. And I don’t know anyone there.

And that makes me feel left out.

Not my fault of course. I haven’t worked there but … I feel as if I’m being excluded form some kind of club. A long time ago I came up with the phrase “shared experience is divisive”. By that I meant that those who share an experience within a group have a bond between themselves which other members of the group are excluded from.

And I feel excluded just now.

There is a part of me that likes this exclusion. In some ways I don’t want to belong because I feel that this will mean that I am no longer as much of an individual as I once was.

Such is the nature of Gordon’s inner brain workings these days. Eternal rumination of the inner psyche with no resolution in sight. Geez, I thought 40 was going to be easier than this!

And there is another stupid thought. This has nothing to do with age and, if I think so, it is only because I am using a mental crutch to stop myself thinking. Not good; very bad; but, at least I realise it! 🙂

Ah well, time to do some work. There is plenty of it and some of the problems are fun to solve!

Maybe I am better off here than somewhere else.


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